Darlene Lancer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and expert author on relationships and codependency. She’s counseled individuals and couples for 30 years and coaches internationally. Her books include Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You and Codependency for Dummies and seven ebooks, including: 10 Steps to Self-Esteem, How To Speak Your Mind - Become Assertive and Set Limits, Dealing with a Narcissist: 8 Steps to Raise Self-Esteem and Set Boundaries with Difficult People, "I'm Not Perfect - I'm Only Human" - How to Beat Perfectionism, and Freedom from Guilt and Blame - Finding Self-Forgiveness. They’re available on Amazon and her website, www.whatiscodependency.com, where you can get a free copy of “14 Tips for Letting Go.” She’s a sought after speaker in media and at professional conferences.
What do I do best?
I ‘m good at seeing patterns. Combined with being emotionally intuitive, I’m able to quickly zero in on the source of a problem. My analytic skills and prior legal training help me think clearly and deconstruct complex problems into simple language in my writing. My belief is that if I can’t say it simply, then I don’t truly understand it. So I just think about the problem deeply until I do!
What makes me the best version of myself?
“I’ve always been curious, conscientious, and love learning. In grade school, I did projects for extra credit just because I wanted to. I was curious about the psyche, understanding people and different cultures, and wanted to explore the mind and what makes people tick. I got interested in psychology and read Freud when I was 12, followed by Jung a few years later.”
What are my aspirations?
I really didn’t set out to write books and have the business I do today. I just did what I loved, and publishers and clients found me. Destiny may have played a part, since I had dreams in the 90’s that foretold what eventually happened.
As for the future, I intend to do more creative writing and look forward to spending more time outside the city.
My Biggest Success?
It’s a difficult question, since I don’t think in those terms. I don’t measure success by material wealth. I feel successful when I see clients turn their lives around and accomplish things or change in ways they never imagined. I’ve overcome many challenges and achieved goals large and small―changing careers being one of them, as well as writing 10 books and relishing many adventures in exotic places. I’m also proud of my children as human beings, but think the greatest achievement would be to be content not doing much of anything―I don’t mean a vacation, but as a way of life. However, it’s not really my nature. I like being creative, exploring, and doing stuff, so I may never achieve that one!
My Most Challenging Moment?
Regardless of who makes the decision, separating from a loved one is always challenging and makes an impact.
“Say what you mean, and mean what you say.”
My Favorite People/Role Models?
Christine Lagarde and Christiane Amanpour are women I admire.
My Favorite Places/Destinations?
Cuba, Tibet, Karnak in Luxor, Egypt, the Amazon Jungle, Italy
My Favorite Products/Objects?
I like found natural objects, such as colorful feathers, shells, rocks, and sea glass, or driftwood
My Current Passions?
I’ve always loved dancing, especially to Latin music of all kinds. Exploring the outdoors, like finding trails, petroglyphs, and fossils, and doing new things, like balancing on dolphins. I enjoy making collages out of plant material.