Kristin Casey: Author & Intimacy Coach

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Bio:

Kristin Casey enjoyed a sex, drugs and rock ’n roll lifestyle with the legendary Joe Walsh (his guitar solo on “Hotel California” with the Eagles is rated one of the most celebrated). After they broke up, she hit rock bottom. But she eventually pulled herself back from the brink and began channeling her new-found strength into helping others overcome life’s challenges. In 2011 she was certified as a Holistic Lifestyle Coach at the Spencer Institute, and in 2016 she became a Surrogate Partner intern. She is trained and supervised by the International Professional Surrogates Association (IPSA), a non-profit which was set up in 1973 to help people experiencing problems with intimacy or sexual function. She lives in Austin, Texas, where she is currently working on her next book, about the transformative power of attraction and chemistry.

What do I do best?

Half the population has an attachment disorder, and feelings of sexual inadequacy are far more common than sexual self-esteem. Through my own personal journey from emotional isolation to healthy intimate connections, I’m able to provide a role model for individuality and self-acceptance, while forming heartfelt bonds and meaningful interactions.

I’m told I have a gift for making people feel good about themselves, but it’s really a gift for seeing people clearly. I zero in on a person’s best qualities and help them see them for themselves. I have an emotionally generous nature and I understand people intuitively. In celebrating my clients’ strengths and embracing their imperfections, I create a non-judgmental space for them to be vulnerable, flawed, and authentic.

I have an affinity for male clients, with whom I share similar drives and motivations, overlaid as they are with a woman’s sensibility and emotional intelligence. (Yes, these are sweeping generalization…nonetheless, they exist for a reason.) I get men, and they sense it, so they feel safe opening up to me. My compassionate nurturance becomes a safe container for their confusion, shame, anxiety, fear of intimacy, and related dysfunctions.

All intimacy coaches work differently. My specialty is experiential coaching, working in a way licensed counselors and therapists traditionally don’t. Communication skills and a mindful state of presence are at the core of my work. I teach clients to get out of their heads and achievement-focused goal-oriented mindset. I get them back into sensation and a sense of playfulness. With repetition we create new neural pathways, away from failure and rejection, to acceptance and pleasure. It’s a complex process, but I put clients back in touch with their instinctual selves, and in doing so allow them to bring their best self to their partner.

What makes me the best version of myself?

I’m a passionately curious person, forever striving to understand what makes people tick. I’m driven and tenacious, and I relish a challenge. I am also addicted to learning (that’s not hyperbole—I crave it twenty times a day, like I once did cigarettes). Above all, I have a deep-seated need to explore every side of every issue. Knowledge is power, and I use it in my work as a connector and peacemaker. I’m frequently called upon to act as a translator between the sexes, probably because I think like a man, yet understand the complex communication style used by most women.

I’m passionate about empowerment and helping others achieve it. Through coaching, speaking, and writing, I impart strategies to help clear mental blocks, breakdown antiquated frameworks, and release emotional dependencies. These include socialized gender roles, sexism, misandry, puritanism, sexual shame, and other forms of pearl-clutching.

What are my aspirations?

I want to live in a world where both men and women feel free to state their needs. I want to impart skills and language for creative expression and elevated communication. I want to celebrate the masculine and feminine within us all, snuffing out toxic versions of the same (meaning the antiquated constructs pigeonholing men into the role of "unfeeling rapacious brute" and women into "hapless object of prey”). I want to inspire an exodus from willful ignorance, learned helplessness, and all forms of victimization (malevolent, random, systemic, self-imposed, and self-directed). Having trudged this journey myself, through my 30s and 40s, I feel qualified to share a message of empowerment to anyone willing to listen (and take action).

In 2018, I achieved a top life goal, becoming a (traditionally) published author with my addiction memoir, Rock Monster: My Life with Joe Walsh. My aspirations are to write more books, speak, teach, connect, and lead, yet never stop learning.

My Biggest Success?

Without a doubt, this would be overcoming drug and alcohol addiction in my 20s, but that was just the beginning. Since then I’ve recovered fully in mind and body, run two full marathons (and countless half ones), had many small pieces published (and the aforementioned big one), started three successful businesses, and made the conscious choice to live my quirky, nonconformist truth on a daily, unashamed basis.

My Most Challenging Moment?

Having spent much of my 20s in a relationship with a hugely successful musician, I slowly relinquished my own long-held personal goals and dreams, and with them, my core identity. I was young and caught up in his glamorous lifestyle, but I’d be lying if I said I’d fought those forces much. When it was over and we’d gone our separate ways, I (unsurprisingly) spiraled…for two years, in and out of hospital, a mentally ill, suicidal alcoholic. One day, at age 29, everything came to a head. I was so sick, I knew I’d run out of second chances. My next move would define me for eternity: end the pain, or start over from scratch, all alone and deeply in debt.

Obviously, I chose the latter, and while that moment was my most challenging up to that point, I’d say a close second would be the one I made every morning afterward, for the next five years, living with severe depression, haunted by the fear I had nothing of value to offer the world. The challenge was in continuing to try, regardless. Trying and failing, letting others see me fail, letting them in close enough to help or lend a hand, and maybe even (God forbid) letting them love me until I could learn to love myself.

It was even a challenge to allow myself to eventually succeed. Marianne Williamson says that our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. I know this to be true for myself, and as an intimacy coach I’ve seen it first-hand in my clients. Stepping into one’s power and owning that big beautiful self-belief, is many a person’s most challenging moment.

(Click to purchase book)

My Motto?

People will always treat you the way they see you treat yourself. Exceptions exist, of course, but by and large, this rule is hard and fast. Practice rigorous honesty in everything you do. Reflect on your intentions regularly, then set (and maintain) healthy boundaries. Only with a pure heart is one free to live by this singular rule: To thine own self be true.

Live your highest truth and all the forces in the Universe will combine to support you. Authenticity resonates with people; when they spot it they want to support it too.

My Favorite People/Role Models?

My role models are generally groundbreakers, male or female makes no difference to me. But because women throughout history have received less notice, I’ll mention a few here:

Marianne Williamson, Virginia Johnson, Veronica Franco, Kathy Griffin, and others who own their space unapologetically. Women who are spiritual, self-aware, empowered, and ballsy, even when it’s shunned, shamed, or clunky…even when it comes at the cost of their public image or (superficial Hollywood) status.

My Favorite Places/Destinations?

I grew up in San Diego and I dearly miss the west coast. Among my favorite haunts in California: Big Sur, Shasta Mountain, Ojai, and Joshua Tree, among others. I’m also nuts about the mountains: Crested Butte in the spring and Banff in the winter. New Zealand is hard to beat and I could probably live out my life in Switzerland (if I could learn the language)!

My Favorite Products/Objects?

All things iridescent. Fresh juiced greens, black pearls and opals, and every shade of jade. Strappy high heels, faded jeans, and cowboy boots for live funk dancing (preferably in Austin. Oh, and also sweaty funky soulful musicians…God love ‘em.)

My Current Passions?

Neuroscience! Lately my dancing boots collect dust as I pour over brain scan studies and the NIH website for fun, nightly.

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