Rohita’s responses to Kristen’s questions:
What's the most surprising thing you've learned about yourself during quarantine?
I always knew I hated people but I never realized how much. I think there are maybe seven people I actively miss. I am legit terrified to go back to "normal" social interactions. I am not looking forward to large social events.
If you could give your kidney to anyone, who would it be?
This answer would have been very different pre-September 18th. Now, it's probably Stephen Sondheim. His 90th birthday celebration was one of the only good parts of lockdown entertainment. I want to see what his 100th birthday concert will look like. Also, he's writing a musical with David Ives and I want new Sondheim content.
What Ryan Murphy show is least like and most like your actual life?
Most like my life: I want to say The Politician. I was also an over-achieving theatre kid who had a breakdown.
Least like my life: Scream Queens because there were no sororities and maybe four hot people on my college's campus.
What would be your ideal way of dying if you had to choose?
In my sleep. I'd like to go to bed one day and just not wake up. If I die under a weighted blanket, on a tempurpedic mattress, in my softest pajamas I truly can't think of a better way to go. The concept of death doesn't scare me but dying in a painful way does.
What's your favorite type of candy?
Anything salty covered in something sweet. Chocolate/toffee pretzels are high up on that list.
If you could have celebrity parents, who would you choose?
In terms of both who is age-appropriate and matches my comedic sensibilities...Mom: Julia Louis Dreyfus Dad: Nathan Lane. I know this doesn't match racially at all but with a TV legend mom and a Broadway legend dad, I'd be set. Obviously, this is an IVF situation.
Kristen’s responses to Rohita’s questions:
Who or what was your comedic awakening? Describe the comedy blueprint:
I was an international business woman working in Shanghai who was crushing it at work, but really bored. Luckily, Charna Halpern, the "hidden architect of modern comedy," was leading an improv workshop in Shanghai. I had never done improv before and experts were flying in from all over Asia. I didn't tell anyone I was a newbie because I was scared they wouldn't let me perform, but at the end of the workshop was my first time up on stage and the adrenaline rush–I was hooked.
If you could tell Kristen from 10 years ago one thing, what would it be?
You got this. Also-you're gonna own wayyyy more cats in the future. It's gonna be great.
Notes for a post-pandemic world: What are the three best Korean BBQ spots in Koreatown?
Quarters Korean BBQ for party vibesKang Ho Dong Baekjeong for authentic deliciousness - I also stormed out of a date here (he was Pro-Life, marching in multiple rallies against abortion rights)
Bon Shabu - Technically not Korean bbq, but it's a similar experience, but a hot pot version
Who are the three fictional, comedy characters you'd invite to Korean BBQ?
Kumiko from "My Husband Won't Fit"
Andréa Martel from "Call My Agent!"
What's your anti-comedy (the job you think you'd be simultaneously miserable and lack talent)?
I took math with the kids 2 grades above me in high school and majored in Economics. My first job offer out of college was to be a statistician in Enterprise Risk Management. Basically, I would do rigorous statistical analysis in a backroom for a major consulting firm. Luckily, I took another job, but being trapped in a basement doing math would kill me.
When you make it big, what's going to be your "treat yourself" purchase?
I stress-eat about 6 lbs of Tillamook ice cream annually. I would upgrade to Van Leeuwen.